Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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