Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
