you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
