If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
