I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
