Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
