Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
