Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
