its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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