Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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