In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
