apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
