sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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