the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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