No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
