her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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