it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
