I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
