i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize