Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i love accidental penises.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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