the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
