She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
