i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
