I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
