Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
