He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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