Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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