Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
