I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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