Someone shit on the floor
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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