I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
