even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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