Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
this is an emotional support booty call
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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