I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
