Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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