I'm so fucking centered right now
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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