three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
