Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize