People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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