That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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