I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
