Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
