bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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