We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
