I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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