DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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