I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
