Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
