3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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