Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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