i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
