true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
