To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
