i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
