I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
