Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
