Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
