oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
