Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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