I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
