Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
