why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
