watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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