Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
