all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
