So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
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Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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