I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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