Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
