what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
