Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
