I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
